Chapter 8
King Oother was angry. He hated magick because it was all evil and had caused lots of horribleness in the kingdom of Cameltolt and now the rest of the world. Evry time he tryd to do somthing about it people like Max Smith and Hans and Suelu would be angry at him but he knew he was in teh right and they wer all bastards. Wen he killd the Black Smith (I STILL think its a bit rascist that they cast a black man as the Black Smith lol) all those yers ago Merlin did not know was taht he WAS actually magick and he WAS actually evil and magic WAS actually evil its just Merlin did not realise taht he WAS evil YET!
Or tats wat Oother thout. But now he cud tell that Merlin had always nown his own evil. Standing befor Oother was a creature of the biggest evil ever. Oother had not ben mistaken about how evil Merlin was bak then no matter wat that shitty BBC series tells yu.
“Greetins traveller” said Merlin. “Its been a long time!”
“What tha fuck do you want?” Oother agreed.
“Ill be frank” he replied. “I want to destroy your sole. I want to corupt you. I want to reduc you to a slave of magick. I’m here… to convert you!” (Autors Note: this is a satyr about relijun)
“You always wer a crafty cunt” Oother sed seething with hatred. “You ruind my kingdom. You stabbed me. And you broke my sons hart.”
Oother rememberd his son Artur who had been seduced by this foul demon. He thout he was his frend and servant but he was a spy for magick! I bet if Arthur had not been betraid and livd then the king of lejends would have been openly gay and so gay rites wouldn’t hav taken so long.
“That is the past” said Merlin. “Wat is now is now. Look at me, Pendargon! I hav come back more powarful than you cod possibly imagine.”
“You are a slimy motherfucker” Oother said. “But your still a fail. Look at you, serving under Spadang Sakran. At least he is a worthy fo! Your just taking orders!”
“Skaran is a fool!” Merlin replied. “He thinks he can control magick. I let it flow thro me, as shud you. Embrace your magick Oother, its wat you are! Just look at wat it can do!”
………………………………….
The Good Pilotist was defending bravely against the herpes. By his side his allies wer helping. At his left The Good Gitarrist was destroying enemis by playing them the solo from Gilty Love. At his rite The Good Perfectonist was tazering herpes and near him baddies wer getting pwned by The Rookie Killer. The battel was going fine.
BUT THEN! Out of the croner of his eye The Good Pilotist saw a big blak thing. Coming from the centre of the cloud a great ball of evil expanded and went into loads of gostly tendrals. He now new that the great evil, General Starlin, had ben going easy on them. This was a grate evil none of them cud beat.
“RETREAT!” he yelld. But it was too late. The magick had reched him, and was consoming him. He felt his wings fail and saw arund him his conrads falling out of the sky. “I’m fine!” he trid thinking but it was no use. The last thing he herd was a defiant “Foo… lish… fool” from The Good Whippist before he passd out. And so hapend the grate sacrifice of The Last Great Army of Lawyers.
Max Smith lookd at the carnage from below sadly. If only that foolish human Oother had let him up there. This bloodshed wud not hav happened. All he cud do was watch the trajedy unfold.
“Gotcha” Merlin sed coldly.
……………………………..
“You didn’t need to do that you fuckmothering cuntbollocking shitcunt!” Oother said, seeting with anger.
“But I did! And it was becos of magick! Look at how powarful it is, so much greater tan anything you know!”
“Stop this bullshit” Oother said coldly. “You hav done enough evil today. I have had enough of this RIDICULOUS MELODRAMA.”
Oother reched for his shotgun and pointed it at Merlins hed.
“Go on then” said Merlin. “Kill me, Pendragon!”
But Oother cod not do it! WHAT THE FUCKMOTHERING FUCK WAS GOING ON???!!! His finger would not move to teh trigger.
“You can feel it cant you?” Merlin cackled. “The magick in yor sole! You cant resist it! It’s been there in you since the Time of Magick. My plasmid just sped it up.”
“I. AM. NOT. MAGICK!” Oother snarled. But he saw his hand droping the gun, his arms reaching towards the blak tendrals coming from Merlins body.
“You are a fool, Oother. You are a hypocrit. You spend yer time on your hi horse about magick, but you are the strongest magick being in existence!”
Oother felt himself walking towards, the tnedrals rapping him up and engulfing him. He was embracing his self, his true self, the man from the Time of Magick!
“Welcome to your true nature.”
He was rite. The magick felt so good!
“The King of Magick!”
He was embracing it, letting the magick take him over.
“The Chosen One to Bring Magick to the World!”
He now knew dis was his destiny.
“Uther Pendragon!”
Uther. This man had calld him Uther. This one word brot him back from his trance, and one realisation dorned on him…
“NOBODY calls me Uther.”
In that moment the tendrals recoled from him. And as he stood laughing coldly at Merlins words, evry ounce of magick was gon from his body. Thois was who he was, not some lame slave of magick like the man before him, but one badass fuckmotherer. His name was Oother!
“This is a great shame” Merlin said. “I shall have to kill you insted. Never mind, I always wanted to. Witness what you just missd out on, you Muggle Fuck!”
Oother felt the power of magick knocking him to the flor. It wasn’t sucking him in this time, it was crushing him.
“Bye bye Oother!” Merlin snarled. “Good thing thers lots of lawers were your going.”
This couldn’t end now. Oother was too badass for this to happen! The near conversion to magick had draned him tho, and this evil was too much.
BUT JUST THEN, OOTHER SAW A BRITE LIGHT!
A stream of white was rising from beloe. He saw around him herpes were being obliterated by this great stream! He new this was also magick, but it was of a difrant kind! He made out three of these epic strems, and they wer coming towards him.
“WHAT IS THIS?” Merlin angered, but the cloud of dark around him was oblitrated by this other powar. He tried to rech for his wand but it was overpored. Oother lookd up and saw the stream morph into three words.
“COME ALONG, PENDRAGON!”
…………………………………………..
The Allijance had been loking up to the sky watchingthe lawyers faling to ther doom. They reconnised how great the magick was.
“Oother will be destoryed” Max Smith said.
“Yeah bawss” Hans Solo replied.
“Serves him right” agreed Suelu Chang.
“It does serve him right. He his a foolish human” said Max Smith. “But look at this. Sopdang cant just do this. Its rong! Look at these inocent layers.” He said saddy.
“True dat” said Solo.
“Wasteman” agred Suelu.
“Oother is an idiot and we hate the cunt, but he’s on our sid!” Max Smith said. “He’s the onlu chance we have agenst Skaran! We need to help.”
“But bawss, we can’t…” Solo gasped.
“It wil drain our magick!” Suelu shreked.
“Oother is a fool and wont reconnise wer on his side. But lets be teh better men and work with him anway for the good of humanity!”
He laughed evilly, and closd his eyes. The thre men concentrated every part of ther mind on the cloud of herpes above.
If Oother was watching he wud hav seen as well as the lite that the herpes were getting murked by a giant magickal litesabre. Or the dark cloud geting sliced open by a masive shuriken. But he wasnt.
………………………………………………………………….
“Joseph Merlin Starlin” Oother said, angerly. “Your magick has failed. Lets see hu wins man to man.”
“Oh Pendragon!” Merlin said evily. “Magick will nevar leave me. I’m always prepard! Behold!”
Merlin reched for his pocket and pulld out a 12 inch magick plasmid.
“Magick will never leave me” he screeched. “I am at one with it!”
BANG!
Merlin loked on the ground and saw the magick plasmid smashd on the floor. He lookd up to see standin in the doorway…
CAPTIN AVERY!
Oother laughed. “Jus look at wat some people can do wirh your precious magick! The greatest evil of al time, and its been turnd agenst you! Just look!”
The gostly form of Avery faded.
“WHAT IS THIS” Merlin screamed.
“Youv just witnessed the magick creation from three mere men. Max Smith. Hans Solo. Suelu Chang. They have done something no man in history has evar done, not even me. They have made magick their bitch!”
“IMPOSSIBLE!” Merlin yelld, sprawled out gasping for life on teh floor.
“Look at you. Your nothing. Your pathetic. Without magick, you’re just a punk ass motherfucking pussy just like you were on TV!”
Merlin backd towards the wall. “THIS IS NONSENSE!”
“And without your magick, if we fite man to man, motherfucker to motherfucker, if we rely on sheer manpower and awesomness, who do you think wil win?”
“Mercy!” Merlin scremed.
“Oother…”
“MERCY!”
“Fuckmothering…”
“MERCY!!!”
“Pendragon!”
“MEEEEEERCCCYYYYY!!!”
Oother was angry so he stabbd Merlin and Merlin died from pain.
“Eye for an eye, motherfucker” Oother said, looking at the twisted corps of evil. “Eye for a fuckmothering eye.”
Merlin probably died but its possble that he could of survived it and who knows, someon like Davros or Palpateen or the Entity could be him is disguse!
But Oother didn’t care. Wat he had lernt today was that magick was the greatest evil ever, but even that cud be overcome. If it cud be overcome, it cud be destroyed. And he was going to destory it. From this moment on magick never had an efect on him again.
For demons run wen a good man goes to magick.