Chapter 11
Oother and Spadang. Spadang and Oother. They once were two badass motherfuckers. Now, they were two armies of badass motherfukers.
Oother had been knockd to the ground by an army of Spadnads.
“YOU ARE SUROUNDED PREP AIR TO DIE” one Spadnang said.
“WE HAVE BEAT YOU AT YOR OWN GAME!” another agreed.
“WE SHALL KILL YOU NOW” a third said, standin with his sord over Oother.
But Oother was no fool. An army of Spadangs wer only as god as the weakest link. He new that if he killd one of them all the FUTUR versions would cease to exist.
“ANY LAST WORDS, PENDRAGON?”
“Again?” Oother asked. “Okay, Spranetdang. Tell me, why have the Cameltolt aristocracy survivd all these years?”
He paused.
“BECAUSE WE’RE READY FOR FUCKMOTHERING ANYTHING!”
And at that Oother JUMPED UP and imapled Spadang with his own sord!
“WE FUCKMOTHERING WIN!” he shouted.
But he was wrong (obvs, that would be bare anticlimate).
Oother looked round. All the Spadangs were still alive and facin the Oothers down.
“OH OOTHER YOU FOOL!” Spadang glotted. “IT IS I WHO IS TEH PREPARED ONE!”
Spadang pushed a button and a door slid past. Oother saw the awful truth…
“You made… A MAGICK PARADOX MACHINE?”
“YES, AND WE JETISUNNED THE KARIOKE BAR TOO! KILL AS MANY OF US AS YOU WANT, WE’LL STAY ALIVE! IM INSURED OUT OF MY ARSE! AND NOW, OOTHER, YOU ARE DOOMED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
Another Spadang echoed it. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” a third chimmed in.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!”
The room rored with the gutterul cry of HAHAHAs. It was an EVIL sight.
“But…” Oother said with shock! “Look at this!”
Oother chopped off a Spadangs hed with his sord.
“That was you, motherfucker! That was you a few weeks ago! Don’t you want to, yano motherfuker, not die?”
“SHUT UP WITH YOR PATHETIC TRANSEEANT HUMAN EMOTIONS!” Spadang lolled. “I DON’T FEEL IT NOW SO IT DUSNT FUCKING MATTER! IT’S THE BEST POSSIBEL RESULT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“You ar… a true monster!” Oother said dusgustidly. “But enough talk motherfucker… HAVE THE FUCKMOTERING MOTHERFUCK AT YOU!”
And the final battle began. FOR REL THIS TIME!
The Spadangs CHARGED at the Oothers but the Oothers were in Oother formation. Each stood in a circle with bazookers and blew up all the Spadangs running towards them. They wer feral monsters!
“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” a Spadang said. “YOR FORMATION HAS ONE WEAKNESS!”
He ponted at the middle of the formation and turned to a fellow SPadang with a portal gun.
“PAP A POR AL OVER THAR!”
Suddenly A STREAM OF SPADANGS FLEW THRU THE PORTAL THE MIDDEL OF THE FORMATION! They were all welding flmaethrowers wich they used to set the crowd of Oothers on fire!
“HAHAHAHAHAHA OOTHER! YOU ARE NOW A BURNING MAN!”
All the Oothers WERE burning men.
“Oothers!” Oother shouted. “You know what to do!”
The Oother charged at the Spadangs and set THEM on fire too. Soon the whole room was on fire!
“Didn’t you now Spadfrak? Magick is flammable!”
“MAGICK WILL OBEY ME!” THE SPADANGS YELLED. “HAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!!”
Oother was on fire too but he didn’t care cos his adrenalin ment fire couldn’t harm him! (not sure if tis is sientific but I think it is. If its not then Oothers just awesum). The Oother charged at the burnin Spadangs and hounded them into the corner were they al burnt to deth.
“You were my brother Spadang!” Oother yeld. “I LOVED YOU… NOT!”
He left the pile of Spadang corpses and walked out of the room. He new he had to find Spadang One and that was his only chance to destory the army. Spadang was using magick dangerosly with paradox machins and Oother new even MORE he had to be stopped.
As the Oothers ran through the Final Corridor a single Spadang ran towards him. Alone.
“Wasteman” Oother said to himself held out his fist to knock through him. As Spadang aproched his SUPER OOTHER FIST collided with Spadangs face…
“DIDN’T FEEL IT!”
Oother stoped. NO-ONE could withstand Oothers Super Fist.
Instead he trid the Super Oother Kick. His powar charged up with the power of power and SMASHED agenst Spadangs balls.
“DIDN’T FEEL IT!”
“But…”
Oother held his hands up and did a Super Oother Throttel.
“FELT NOTHING!”
Oother suddenly new wat it was. He lookd thru Spadangs eye with his telescope vision and saw HUNDREDS OF TINY SPADANGS!
“HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.” it laughed. “I AM THE SPADDALECTOR!”
Suddenly an ARMY of the same Spadang-shaped robot BURST through the wal. Each Spaddalector had an ARMY of tiny Spadangs inside. There must have been BILLIONS of Spadangs in this coridor overall!
The Oothers retreted as the Spaddilectors marched towards them. “HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!” they laughed loudly, firin machen guns at Oother.
The Oothers ducked! Soon they had ben backed up agenst a wall and the Spaddalectors held ther guns at them.
“ANY LAST WORDS, PENDRAGON?”
“Not really this time” Oother replied. “But I have on last request. Can I hav a final smoke?”
“LOL YOURE GOING TO DIE ANYWAY SO WHY NOT?”
The army of Oothers all got out a line of cigrets. The Spaddalectors aimed ther guns at the Oothers.
“SAY GOODBYE OOTHER! HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA......”
The cigret was not a cigret cos Oother does not smoke. IT WAS AN EXPLOSIVE PEE SHOOTER! As the Spaddalectors laughed the Oothers SHOT THE EXPLOSIVES THROUGH THEIR GAPIN MOUTHS AND THEY ALL BLEW UP!
“Sorry, Spadgash” Oother sed, looking at the rosting dead Spaddalectors. “I always thout you were talkin about WOMEN when you said you thought smoking was hot.”
Oother marched down the coridor. He saw a lite near the end. Spadangs office was near!
“GIVE UP OOTHER!” Spadangs voice boomed. “GIVE IN TO MAGICK, YOUR FROM THE OLD TI…”
“Don’t even gimme that sheet!” Oother yelled. “Im bored of these motherrfucking speechs you fuckmotherfing villens keep giving me about magick. It didn’t work with Sterlin, motherfucker, and it sur as hell aint gon work with you.”
“FINE!” Spadang boomd. “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ANYWAY COS YOUR GOING TO DIE. JUST GIVE UP OOTHER THERES NO POINT. DON’T YOU KNOW THE PROFECY?”
“I’ll know soon enough” Oother sed walking notgivingashittingly towards the room.
“I CANT DIE! ITS IMPOSSIBL!”
“Oh? What are the exact words?”
“YOU THINK IM A FUCKING IDIOT? IM NOT GIVING YOU LOAPHOLES! YOU JUST CANT KILL ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
Oother burst into a room wich was empty. There was no Spadang fuckmothering Skaran in sight. Then the voice came.
“ANY LAST WORDS, PENDRAGON?”
“No” said Oother.
Suddenly the door SLAMMED shut. It was a trap!
“THIS ROOM IS USUALLY FOR MY GOONS BUT I WORKED WEL FOR YOU! BEHOLD!”
A pipe came out of the wal and opened revealing BOILING ACID!
It dripped down and slowly started to edg towards Oother.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Spadang laughed. “WHAT A... DISSOLVING BORE!”
The boiling acid moved towards Oother… AND IT TOUCHED HIS SKIN!
“HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHA! WAIT WTF?”
Oother stood up with the acid lappin round his ankles. It did nothing!
“WHAAAAAAT? SOMEONE REPLACED THA BOILING ACID WITH HARMLES ACID! BUT THAT IMPSIBLLE!”
“Not if someone controlled this base’s defence sistems!” Oother said with steel.
“BUT THE KEY TO WAS DISGUISED! IT WAS CARFULLY HIDDEN AMONGST THE BASES STATIONRY!”
“Yes, that’s right, Spadcrack. Whatever power has gained control of your base has stolen your pen!”
Oother lookd up to the control window to see two Oothers maning the controls.
“Why do you think I’m alone now, motherfucker? While you’ve been goin on about profacies and sheet we, or shud ah say I, hav been takin over the base!”
“THIS IS NONSENSE!” Spadang yelld. “GET HIM!”
Oother saw the walls gettin kicked down by a group of Spadangs. He ran through the rom towards the exit and JUMPED through just as the door was getting closed, reching his hand back after he got through to pick up his crown (lol its like Indian Jones but with a crown insted of an Indian Jones hat!)
He turned round to see a bunch of Oothers rapeling from the ceiling to take on the Spadangs. He knew they wud not disapoint. But this was not his battel. Well it was, but not HIS his. He had to take on Spadang One, and he could feel his presence near.
As he walked through the coridor Spadangs voice boomed.
“OKAY OOTHER! YOU WIN THAT ONE! BUT IT ALL MENS NOTHING IF YOU CANT BEAT THE REAL ME!”
Oother sed nothing. He just walked.
“I HAVE BEEN WAITING SOOOO LONG JUST FOR THE TWO OF US TO MEET. MAN TO MAN. FACE TO FACE. BADASS TO BADASS. NONE OF THIS MULTIPEL US NONSENSE, JUST THE TWO OF US. SPADANG AND OOTHER. OOTHER AND SPADANG. ONE WILL DIE. ONE WILL SURVIV.”
Oother still walked. He could see a large door of evil approching. It looked like the door to an evil dungeon like just before a Final Boss.
“YOU’VE KILLED EVERYTHIN OOTHER. BUT WTF DOES IT MATTAR? GENERAL STARLIN, MY WIFE, MY ARMIES, MY BASE. I STILL DON’T GIVE TWO FLYING CUNTS. FUCK, EVEN MAGICK DOESN’T MATTAR. IVE BEEN TWARTED BEFORE BUT IM STILL SPADANG SKARAN, AND IM FUCKING AWESOME!”
As Oother reched the Evil Doom Door of Doom, he turned towards the switch to open it. As he was abut to, he lookd at the door and smiled.
“Any actual last words, Skaran?”
“FACE IT OOTHER. YOUR LIFE WAS ALWAYS LEDING HERE TO BE KILLD BY ME. THE LAWS OF FATE HAVE SED THAT YOU CANT KILL ME. ARE YOU READY TO COM IN AND MEET YOUR FATE?”
Oother pressd the button and the doors SWUNG open to a room pulsing with evil darkness. At the centre, Spadang flew abov his throne, huge and red, burstin with the evil drug of magick. His face throbbd, his mussels bulged, and hoverin around him were machin guns, sords, pistols, rocket guns, flamethrowers and anti-Ootheranium rifals.
Oother steppd forward.
“I like fate,” he said. “But now… it’s about justice.”
TO! BE! CONTINUED!